We can’t because we don’t want to.
The easiest answer to destroy something is to say I can’t. The easiest answer to build something is to say I’ll try. The difference is that there is no such thing we cannot do. The question is if we want to.
I will not change.
Someone told me recently:
– I will not change. I don’t know how. I can’t.
– Why don’t you try?
– I know it will not work. It doesn’t make any sense to try.
What I’ve been always trying to figure out is why people refuse something without even trying. There are some people whose first answer is always no. My father is a person whose first answer is always no whatever something new comes into play. My father doesn’t like changes. It doesn’t matter what you propose. He will tell you no at first. He will tell you:
Maybe another day.
Maybe next year.
My father takes time to change his mind. If you need him to go for something new, you need to present him with a fait accompli. This is the only way it works out for him to accept the new.
Refuse without trying.
I met a lot of people who refused without trying. Without even thinking to try. I wondered why did make them fight for keeping same status quo. I realized the reason why we refuse without trying is that we’re scared of failure. We’re scared of being embarrassed. We’re scared of not being good enough.
How to break the resistance before the change?
Breaking the resistance before the change is one of the most powerful act we can imagine. I remember the most painful experience in my life. I had to break my inner resistance and come out to apologize for hurting some people with my mistake. It was extremely difficult to admit the mistake in public when I had no intention to make anyone suffer. It was extremely difficult to confront with people who believed I hurt them on purpose. It was extremely difficult to say I’m sorry knowing it will not change the past. Knowing it will not change the fact our relationship is lost.
That’s why I was struggling a lot to do it. It was the matter of mixed feeling of guilt, shame, and unfairness. When I was one step ahead of breaking my resistance, I felt freaked out. I didn’t know what to expect. Will I be hated or will I be forgiven? We’re trying to prepare ourselves for the worst scenario, but we know we never know what is waiting for us. I felt like I will never overcome my fear. I couldn’t do this. But I knew as well I couldn’t live any longer without sharing the true story. Without making sure these people hear I regret all that happened. Without closing definitely this chapter of my life. Even if the chapter will not end up with a happy end.
It was not so bad as I imagined. It seemed tough as hell before I did it. But once I made it, I knew it was all about my fear. About my imagination. About illusions, I nurtured in my mind.
This is why when someone tells me I can’t, I know it’s a bullshit. It’s because someone doesn’t want to do it.
We always can. Sometimes we just don’t want to.
And that’s fine. Unless we pretend otherwise. I know when I don’t do something, it’s because I don’t want to. Not because I can’t. I could if I wanted.
Simple as that.