I was never good at saying what I thought. I was afraid to make people upset. I was afraid to offend people. I was afraid to make people leave me.
It doesn’t matter what you say. What matters is how you say it.
The toughest thing in saying what I think is not getting emotional.
The more sensitive the topic is, the more it makes me cry. I hate it. It brings the level of the conversation to the point where I lose control over myself. The more my interlocutor doesn’t acknowledge my feelings, the more I hurt, the more I blame, the more I try to make the person feeling guilty.
The fact is I’m not good at big speeches when it comes to emotional parts of my life. Ask me about my childhood. Ask me about my life mistakes. Ask me about my happiness. You’re guaranteed that sooner or later you will see me cry.
It’s like my father who surprisingly gets really emotional when I say “Thank you”, ” Goodbye” or “I love you”. This is the way he is and it’s stronger than him.
My emotions are stronger than me too. And until now I didn’t find any remedy to this. It doesn’t matter how hard I try. It wins over me.
What comes easier is holding back my emotions. Pretending to be strong. Pretending that I’m fine. It makes me suffer, but it helps me save my face. It pushes me back to my inner world keeping the fake smile on my lips.
There is a number of illnesses, both mental and physical, which come from stress and holding back the feelings which are not expressed. I can feel my body and my mental health disrupted when I don’t give my emotions a chance to be expressed. When I don’t say something fearing it will sound stupid. When I don’t share my feeling for fear of not being understood.
What is good about saying what you think?
- You get rid of all burden you would have to carry if holding back negative emotions
- You get more respect and esteem
- You don’t gossip about people. You just tell them straight what you think
- You’re more likely to praise people or to give them a constructive critic
What is bad about saying what you think?
- Sometimes you say faster than you think
- You may hurt people unintentionally
- Your opinion may not be welcome
- You may get stressed by people’s reactions
- You may lose some people
I started an exercise consisting of saying what I think. It may require to adjust the message to the person I speak to, but the purpose is to get my thoughts said. I start in a controlled environment with people I know well. Nevertheless, with the course of time, I’m planning to hit more challenging interlocutors. Once again: it’s not about what I say, but how I say it.
Every message can be passed in the way it strengthens. Every message can be passed in the way it hurts less. Every message can change something for the better.
It’s up to us how we make it work.
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Have a wonderful day!