Lifestyle: Say what you think and don't apologize for that

Lifestyle: Say what you think and don't apologize for that

I was never good at saying what I thought. I was afraid to make people upset. I was afraid to offend people. I was afraid to make people leave me.

It doesn’t matter what you say. What matters is how you say it.

The toughest thing in saying what I think is not getting emotional.

The more sensitive the topic is, the more it makes me cry. I hate it. It brings the level of the conversation to the point where I lose control over myself. The more my interlocutor doesn’t acknowledge my feelings, the more I hurt, the more I blame, the more I try to make the person feeling guilty.

The fact is I’m not good at big speeches when it comes to emotional parts of my life. Ask me about my childhood. Ask me about my life mistakes. Ask me about my happiness. You’re guaranteed that sooner or later you will see me cry.

It’s like my father who surprisingly gets really emotional when I say “Thank you”, ” Goodbye” or “I love you”. This is the way he is and it’s stronger than him.

My emotions are stronger than me too. And until now I didn’t find any remedy to this. It doesn’t matter how hard I try. It wins over me.

What comes easier is holding back my emotions. Pretending to be strong. Pretending that I’m fine. It makes me suffer, but it helps me save my face. It pushes me back to my inner world keeping the fake smile on my lips.

There is a number of illnesses, both mental and physical, which come from stress and holding back the feelings which are not expressed. I can feel my body and my mental health disrupted when I don’t give my emotions a chance to be expressed. When I don’t say something fearing it will sound stupid. When I don’t share my feeling for fear of not being understood.

What is good about saying what you think?

  • You get rid of all burden you would have to carry if holding back negative emotions
  • You get more respect and esteem
  • You don’t gossip about people. You just tell them straight what you think
  • You’re more likely to praise people or to give them a constructive critic

What is bad about saying what you think?

  • Sometimes you say faster than you think
  • You may hurt people unintentionally
  • Your opinion may not be welcome
  • You may get stressed by people’s reactions
  • You may lose some people

I started an exercise consisting of saying what I think. It may require to adjust the message to the person I speak to, but the purpose is to get my thoughts said. I start in a controlled environment with people I know well. Nevertheless, with the course of time, I’m planning to hit more challenging interlocutors. Once again: it’s not about what I say, but how I say it.

Every message can be passed in the way it strengthens. Every message can be passed in the way it hurts less. Every message can change something for the better.

It’s up to us how we make it work.

Thank you for reading this post! It means a lot to me. If you like it please share it. If not, please let me know how could I make it better.

Have a wonderful day!


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7 thoughts on “Lifestyle: Say what you think and don't apologize for that”

  • Definitely a thought-provoking post.

    “It’s not about what I say, but how I say it.” I think you’re right, but I don’t fully agree with it. I always hear the message, and not the pretty words it’s dressed up in. It surprises me how people get lost in “how” things are said that they forget what really was said. Since I always hear straight to the point, that is how I try and speak, too. It is not my intention to fool anyone. I think that’s just unnecessary. What do I have to gain doing that? Fake “friends”?

    “You may hurt people unintentionally
    Your opinion may not be welcome”
    Happens to be quite a bit. People say: “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Why is that? And trust me, if I want to hurt you, you will know. Otherwise, I didn’t mean to and so get over yourself.

    The thing about communication is that it’s a two-way street. Why should it matter that you cry when you talk about certain things? It doesn’t make them any more, or less valid. You say what you say. Some emotions cannot be controlled and your words shouldn’t be victims in that. Sure, when we see someone cry, empathy awakens (at least it should) and we want to comfort them. But that is no excuse to dismiss what they are saying.

    Good luck with your experiment. You can control yourself, but you can’t do that to those you speak to.

    • Hi Goldi! Thank you for all your thoughts on the matter. You’re bringing very true perspective. However, I believe that the way we put our feelings in words make difference. I can say to someone “You made a shitty work” or I can say “What you could do better is…”. And indeed, the message is the same. I want you to improve your work, but at the same time, I want to tell it to you in a respectful way. I know plenty of people who don’t care about the form. And I know some people who care about the form and their attitude encourages to do better and better.

    • Hi Lorraine! Taking the courage to change is always something I truly admire. How do you try to change it?

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