My best friend who never was my friend.

My best friend who never was my friend.

We believe we will be best friends forever. After some time, we claim our best friend changed. Is it a friend who changes or is it a friendship which changes? Today, I’m going to share with you a story about my best friend who didn’t change. This will be a story of my best friend who never was my friend.

My first day of holidays. I’ve been waiting for it to come. And the funny thing is that I’m not enjoying it at all. Yesterday, I argued with Kelly. I couldn’t stand she always can find time for everyone, but me. And still, she pretends to be my best friend. I hate the way she messes up things and after all, she turns it out the way she looks innocent. It’s always my fault. It’s because I’m jealous. It’s because I have fewer friends than she does. It’s because I’ve got just her. Obviously, I took the first step. But I made it clear. Next time, it’s her turn. Regardless of what happens. I will not be all the time the one who always says “I’m sorry” first. In fact, I always was the one who’s been saying “I’m sorry” first. I feel it will never change. Until I change. And until I change friend.

I read this page in my diary and I started reminiscing on my best friend I met over twenty years ago. It was the time when friendships meant much more they do today.

Sharing everything is sharing nothing.

It wasn’t about meeting from time to time. The computers were not so popular yet, so we still had time to fill in. We’ve been seeing each other almost every day. We’ve been sharing our top secrets. We’ve been drawing our future plans. We’ve been dreaming about leaving the small village and going to a big city. We wanted to experience a big city life. We wanted to do everything together.

Sometimes, you’re pretty damn sure you both want the same. It’s the time which shows how much you were mistaken.

We promised ourselves many things. We promised that we will be brides at our weddings. We promised ourselves we will be godmothers for our first children. It sounds silly today, but at that time we took it seriously. I seemed so simple. As if we could stay together all life long. As if we could stay the same all life long.

The choice is made.

We went to high school. It was supposed to be one of the most beautiful time in our life. We met new people. We didn’t change. But our friendship changed. She didn’t have time. She was always busy. She always had something to do. She had a choice. But she didn’t choose me.

We split ways when we went to college. We planned to move to the same town. To share the same dorm. She made her choice. She moved to another town. It was a final blow for me.

We forget too.

I felt like she was never my best friend. I forgot how much time we spent together and how many funny things we did together. I forgot the hours spent over the phone to discuss the biggest heartbreaks. I forgot my life was easier when she was with me.

Isn’t the same when we divorce? We forget instantly how much we went through together. How many good memories we do have together. How many wonderful things we made together. We forget. We forget too easily.

It’s the time which showed me the value of what I lost. But not in the sense I regret it the way I did before. I know she had to make her choice to grow. To find herself. Not being stuck with best friend forever.

Relationships and friendships grow when they’re given space. I didn’t give her space. I give it today to everyone. We all need to breathe.

Do you have a story of friend you lost?



Share your thoughts with me!