Lifestory: Be strong enough to stand up again
My partner asked me today:
– Do you still love me as you did when we started to be together?
For the first time, I didn’t know what to answer.
I know he’s been joking as he’s not kind of a person who’s romantic enough to ask such questions. He was simply teasing me. Nevertheless, it made me think of how feelings change or rather evolve throughout the years.
I cannot say I love him the same way I did at first. It doesn’t mean I love him less or more. I love him differently. My feelings were full of passion and very dynamic at the start of our relationships. At the same time, I was a bit hysterical when something was going wrong between us. I was afraid to lose control over what was happening. I was afraid of losing control over what he was doing, what he was thinking and how he was acting.
The funny thing is that I’ve never had any control over it.
It was something I looked for unconsciously and something I was desperately fighting for.
All changed when he asked me to marry him. I felt safe. I felt that I didn’t have to worry anymore about his feelings to me. He made his own choice. He decided he wanted to spend with me the rest of his life. My hesitation was replaced by certitude. It gave me the strength to focus more on the quality of our relationship.
The next “feeling challenge” happened when we started to live together.
We didn’t have to wait for each other for the whole week. We didn’t have to miss each other. Every day, we’ve been waking up together and falling asleep together. No surprise. No tension. No passion. The fire between us started to weaken a bit. We had to fight for the passion which was slipping out from our life silently.
And one day, someone appeared between us.
Someone who changed again our relationship. Someone who changed our priority. Someone who took most of our time.
Our relationship had to evolve once again. We were parents. We put our child first even if I was swearing I would always put us first. You care so much for this little miracle that you cannot imagine that something or someone could be more important.
We had to find ourselves anew.
It’s hard to fight for something when you seem to be the only one who does it. When you don’t experience constant reciprocity to your feelings. When you lose interest in demonstrating them without cease. You begin to hide your feelings, because you don’t want to be the only one who shows them. You don’t want to get emotionally dependent on someone.
One of the main causes of burnout is a loss of reciprocity in social interactions. In other words, we have to give much more than we get back.
I said stop.
Either we both do our best or we give up on it.
We were on the edge. But we decided to try more. This is what makes us stronger.
Thank you for reading this post! It means a lot to me. If you like it please share it. If not, please let me know how could I make it better.
Have a wonderful day!