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Life Lessons: The only respect you should have is the one you earn

Life Lessons: The only respect you should have is the one you earn

What do I know about respect? Not so much. Watching my parents fighting each other for small stupid things did not bring me any valuable lesson on how to show proper respect.

When I started my adventure with relationships, what was the most important to me was to show respect to my partner in public. I hate when people air their dirty laundry in public. They think it’s funny and it makes them more appealing as a couple. But for me, it was never acceptable. I’d rather tend to demonstrate how proud I was of my partner.

It doesn’t mean it was always the case at home.

It’s hard to show respect at home when:

  • Someone’s behavior annoys you
  • You have a bad day
  • You’re tired
  • You don’t feel appreciated
  • You go for verbal battles
  • You don’t experience a reciprocity

I bet you could say that everyone deserves respect and it’s my problem if I’m not able to demonstrate it. But if you go deeper into details, you’d learn it’s not as easy as we’re used to saying.

Has it ever happened to you that someone’s tone of voice drove you crazy? How many times do you say “Because you always…” or “Because you never…”?

If you have, then you know what I’m talking about.

Another day a man told me:

– Respect brings respect.

I thought: Does it mean we should respect all people unconditionally regardless of what they do or what they say?

I gave it some time.

Later on, I thought: Does it mean that if I respect myself, everyone else will be respecting me?

Not so sure. I gave it again some time.

I thought: Does it mean we can be respected only if we earn it?

That’s the key.

It’s not about respecting all people blindly. It’s not about respecting myself unconsciously. It’s about all I do in my life that earns people’s respect.

It’s not something I can buy. It’s not something I can ask for. It’s something that comes naturally as a result of all my actions.

Does it mean I should follow other people’s rules to get respect?

No, I should follow my own code of conduct and be in line with what I say. We don’t get respected doing what other people tell us to do. We get respect when we stay loyal to our values regardless of circumstances.

Attitude is a choice.

Thank you for reading this post! It means a lot to me. If you like it please share it. If not, please let me know how could I make it better.

Have a wonderful day!


4 thoughts on “Life Lessons: The only respect you should have is the one you earn”

  • Bravo. Such an insightful post.
    I think most people have a skewed view of my relationship exactly because I don’t disrespect my partner in public. It seems like other people have no problem “airing their dirty laundry” like you said. To me that is unacceptable. No matter what they think of me.

    • Hi Goldie! Thank you so much for sharing your experience in this matter. I’m wondering what value do people find in “airing their relationship’s dirty laundry”. Does it make their life more interesting? Does it bring additional adrenaline? Are they bored? I’ve never considered as an added value. On the contrary, for me, it was simply a lack of respect.

      • From what I’ve observed it’s either about frustration or dominance. Sometimes people feel the need to vent, because their frustration meter is maxed. However, most of the time, it seems to me like it’s about displaying dominance. That way other people can see you’re the boss. I wonder how true that really is. I wonder if they feel helpless and so they try to act that way to convince others in order to convince themselves. Onlookers fall for it, too.

        • I believe what you said is absolutely right. Onlookers imitate such behaviors as they also want to be in the spotlight. I have observed that it’s mostly about frustration people hold within themselves. They find other people as communication channel which is supposed to get the message sent to their partner. The only thing they forget about is that it works the opposite. People hate being humiliated in public.

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