Do you have a feeling that people underestimate your skills or consider you worthless? Take 3 steps to remedy it and make yourself feel happy about who you’re.
Seek first to understand before being understood.
Before taking 3 steps to cope with not being understood, we need to realize where does the problem come from. We used to think that it’s people who don’t understand us. However, have you thought that the reason might be elsewhere? For example in the way you communicate who you are, in the way you share your feelings, in the way you express your needs. For some people, the way you do it might be simply not understandable.
If we don’t take time nor effort to adjust the message, then no surprise the message is not received. It’s like sending a letter without the correct address. Eventually, it gets back to you and the recipient never finds out what was its content.
Let’s not forget that people are mostly focused on their lives so if your message gets too complicated, they will not bother to listen it up properly.
What might be other reasons people don’t understand you?
- They come from different backgrounds, they have different experiences, needs, personalities, beliefs, culture and expectations
- They have their own vision
- They’re ignorant
- They have their own problems
- They make assumptions
- They lack an ability to express their understanding
- They don’t even understand themselves
- You don’t understand them either
Some people see the trees and some people see the forest.
It’s a hard truth, but remember that when it comes to some people you’ll never be able to change what they think or feel. Why is that? Scientifically speaking, there’s a kind of cognitive schema that defines how do we perceive the world and what is communicated to us. Everyone has a different schema on what’s the meaning of love and pain, success and failure, goodness and evil.
According to britannica.com, the cognitive schemas are mental structures that an individual uses to organize knowledge and guide cognitive processes and behaviour. People use schemata [..] to categorize objects and events based on common elements and characteristics and thus interpret and predict the world. New information is processed according to how it fits into these mental structures, or rules.
As you can see the understanding is not an easy pill to swallow. Thus, it’s hardly possible to impose it or influence people who’re not able to understand our perspective. Not because they don’t want, but because they don’t get it.
Let’s see then how to cope emotionally with not being understood.
- Know your value
I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from level of perception.
Being understood or not understood should never affect your self-esteem. Sometimes, the problem does not lie in you. As we have seen it before, it might lie in people’s ability to see you well through their level of perception. Sometimes, in order to be understood, you would need to adjust to their level which means to stop being yourself. It’s not worth sacrificing what is the most unique in you for the sake of becoming understood. If you go for it, you’re the only one who loses. In general, try to avoid seeking people’s approval for who you are. Remember that people are able to quickly spot someone’s uncertainties. If you’re unsure of your qualities, how other people can consider them as valuable? You need to be the first one who acknowledges them.
2. Express yourself creatively
The job of the artist is always to deepen the mistery.Francis Bacon
All big artists were rarely understood in the course of their lifetime. Not being understood today doesn’t mean you should stop doing what you do especially if you feel it’s valid. Express creatively who you are and how you feel. Give yourself a chance to demonstrate what’s the best in you. It doesn’t have to be something popular or trendy. You don’t have to be the best in the subject either. You don’t have to become successful, popular, famous, awarded for what you do. It should become a source of your inspiration and motivation to keep going with what’s a part of true yourself.
3. Accept what you cannot change
Don’t try to understand everything. Sometimes, it is not meant to be understood, just accepted.
Seeking people’s understanding or trying to understand them may be a lifetime effort. There are certain people who’ll never understand you and you’ll never understand them either. It’s because you all live in completely different realities so trying to put them in your shoes might never work. The only way to move forward is to accept the fact you’re all different, you’ll never fully understand each other and you all have the right to live your own life. Let each other to be who you are without putting specific rules.
Instead of seeking understanding from others, cultivate acceptance within you heart and mind. Accepting things as they are is the only answer, the only understanding, the only wisdom there is.
Develop empathy and respect for people who surround you. They might not understand you, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Break the endless circle of resentment for the lack of being supported in your ideas. Actually, you’re the one who needs to believe in you. Sooner or later, you’ll find people who have experienced the same and will be able to understand what you’re going through.
Thank you for reading this post! It was a great pleasure to write it for you. If you enjoyed the post, I will be very happy if you like it, comment on it or share it. Your support means a lot to me.
Thank you for being here,