Life Change: Tomorrow starts today
How often do you worry about something which may never happen and it doesn’t? How often do you worry about people thinking negatively about you while they may not think about you at all? How often do you worry that tomorrow will be worse than today but it actually turns out to be a good day?
The only thing worry does is keeping you very busy doing nothing.
I remember my mom sitting at the kitchen’s table and watching through the window. She’s got a distant look. I asked her:
– What are you thinking about mom?
– Nothing…just planning tomorrow’s day.
I knew she was worrying a lot. Our situation was pretty tough. We’ve been barely making ends meet. Another thing is that she couldn’t act differently. It was her way. She didn’t want to let things go their way. She wanted to have control over what was happening even if it was not possible to have one.
I’m sure she was thinking a lot about the past. Wondering if she made the right decisions. If she could have done things differently. Why she didn’t get a chance to live the life she dreamt about.
No surprise I’m the same.
I’m used worrying about tomorrow and I’m definitely used living in yesterday. I analyze all that happened yesterday and I think about all the negative scenarios that could happen tomorrow. Somehow, I believe preparing myself for the worst scenario will help me to go through this easier. Somehow, I believe that analyzing the past will fix the things out.
When I was a teenager I was thinking about what will I do when I’ll be adult. I’m an adult today and I trap myself thinking what could’ve I done differently as a teenager. How could’ve I used my time wisely. How could”ve I prepared myself better for the future.
I forget I didn’t have the same knowledge as I do today and I couldn’t anticipate something I had no idea about.
How could’ve I avoided love mistakes if I had no idea what did it mean to love someone?
How could’ve I worked harder to achieve my goals if I didn’t believe in myself?
How could’ve I spent my time differently living in a small village where there was nothing to do?
It took years to learn all of this.
I had to move out. I had to start living on my own. I had to understand who I am and what I want.
That was my learning pattern.
It’s amazing that after so many years of learning it still happens to blame myself for past mistakes. For past decisions. For past choices.
I’m always stuck between trying to find my future and trying to forget my past.
I want to forget who I was and I cannot forgive myself for who I’m not today.
I’ve got a repetitive nightmare: I run after a plane which is supposed to take off, but I move in slow motion and eventually, I’m late. Or a different one: I manage to get on a plane, but I can’t get to the destination. There’s always something which stops me to get there: emergency landing, flight going to a different place, meeting someone who absorbs my attention and I forget to go where I wanted.
The nightmare comes true when I realize I live stuck between the past and the future. When I regret I didn’t do something in the past and I’m too afraid to do something in the future because of the consequences it might have on my conformist life.
The worst thing is that I don’t count time spent on visualizing things I wouldn’t like to welcome in my life. Or things I wouldn’t like to come back to. The time which is purely consumed by my imagination or my memories.
How can I ever change my past? I can change the consequences of what I’ve done yesterday, but not the past itself. How can I ever anticipate what will happen tomorrow? I can try to prepare myself for the worst, but it means that already today I’ll be living in hell.
The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.
How my life would look like if instead of spending hours and hours on worrying about tomorrow, I would start to do today something which could at least slightly improve my tomorrow?
- If I worry that my client may provide me with a negative feedback, why not to work out today something which will bring him an added value?
- If I worry that my relationship could be over one day, why not to give special attention to how I behave today and what I give today in order to boost our feelings?
- If I worry that one day I may get a serious illness, why not to take care of my health today? Why not to practice more sport or eat better? Why not to slow down the rush and start enjoying the moment?
It”s all about the attitude. It’s all about the mindset. I can worry today or I can tell myself today:
– It doesn’t matter what will happen tomorrow. I know I will tackle this.
My today is a remedy for my yesterday. My today is an opportunity for my tomorrow. Today is the only space I can be myself.
Thank you for reading this post! It means a lot to me. If you like it please share it. If not, please let me know how could I make it better.
Have a wonderful day!