Life Change: How to go through the dark night of your life?
I feel a breakthrough change which is currently going on in me. I feel something is falling apart. I feel something is crumbling. I feel something has shattered in me.
It’s hard times which make you stronger. But first, you have to go through the dark night of your life.
It’s been a week since my grandma died. It overlapped with a very intense and challenging period at my work. It crossed with the experience of being totally exhausted.
I asked myself:
– How much is it worth to lose myself?
How much money is enough?
How much pain is enough?
How much time is enough?
I work like crazy to make sure I don’t have to take a step back in my life. I spend time with people just to reassure myself I’m not alone. I do things I don’t like to not lose what I already have.
All that doesn’t make me any better. It doesn’t bring me the sense of being. It doesn’t empower me to give more.
Today I know I cannot live the way I lived yesterday.
My grandma’s death has changed my life’s priorities. I don’t see any value in running after the fleeting aspects of human life that were important to me before. I lost interest in comparing myself with people who live they way I’ve never wanted to live.
I’m going through the dark night of my life. I’m not seeing yet the light in the tunnel. I’m not expecting yet any fireworks on my way.
How to go through this?
Ask yourself if something you care about today will be still worth your attention in five years from now.
I’ve made a list of things which matter for me. My job was not there. So why were I giving it the majority of my time? Why were I thinking about work while coming back home? Why were I planning my work for the next day before I went to sleep? Why were I putting on me all this stress if nobody asked me to do so?
These recent days, I was heavily confronted with my choices which put my beloved ones in the second place. I realized how much time is gone without making any impact on my life. I’ve been spending more than eight hours a day at work forgetting how much I was missed by people who loved me. I’ve been intentionally ignoring this fact for the sake of being appreciated. Accepted. Irreplaceable.
Today, I know we never know how much time is left. Today, I know the time we have is never enough. Today, I know sometimes there is no second chance.
Take as much as possible from every moment in your life and give as much as possible to those who really need you.
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Have a wonderful day!