The most motivational blog on how to make life your best coach.

Life Change: How to go through the dark night of your life?

Life Change: How to go through the dark night of your life?

I feel a breakthrough change which is currently going on in me. I feel something is falling apart. I feel something is crumbling. I feel something has shattered in me.

It’s hard times which make you stronger. But first, you have to go through the dark night of your life.

It’s been a week since my grandma died. It overlapped with a very intense and challenging period at my work. It crossed with the experience of being totally exhausted.

I asked myself:

– How much is it worth to lose myself?

How much money is enough?

How much pain is enough?

How much time is enough?

I work like crazy to make sure I don’t have to take a step back in my life. I spend time with people just to reassure myself I’m not alone. I do things I don’t like to not lose what I already have.

All that doesn’t make me any better. It doesn’t bring me the sense of being. It doesn’t empower me to give more.

Today I know I cannot live the way I lived yesterday.

My grandma’s death has changed my life’s priorities. I don’t see any value in running after the fleeting aspects of human life that were important to me before. I lost interest in comparing myself with people who live they way I’ve never wanted to live.

I’m going through the dark night of my life. I’m not seeing yet the light in the tunnel. I’m not expecting yet any fireworks on my way.

How to go through this?

Ask yourself if something you care about today will be still worth your attention in five years from now.

I’ve made a list of things which matter for me. My job was not there. So why were I giving it the majority of my time? Why were I thinking about work while coming back home? Why were I planning my work for the next day before I went to sleep? Why were I putting on me all this stress if nobody asked me to do so?

These recent days, I was heavily confronted with my choices which put my beloved ones in the second place. I realized how much time is gone without making any impact on my life. I’ve been spending more than eight hours a day at work forgetting how much I was missed by people who loved me. I’ve been intentionally ignoring this fact for the sake of being appreciated. Accepted. Irreplaceable.

Today, I know we never know how much time is left. Today, I know the time we have is never enough. Today, I know sometimes there is no second chance.

Take as much as possible from every moment in your life and give as much as possible to those who really need you.

Thank you for reading this post! It means a lot to me. If you like it please share it. If not, please let me know how could I make it better.

Have a wonderful day!


14 thoughts on “Life Change: How to go through the dark night of your life?”

  • Reassessing life after such an event is normal. I did, too. And it’s not a fleeting thing. I still carry it with myself. The lessons I’ve learned. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing the same.

    I’m sorry you’re going through such a dark period. We are all different, but for me, keeping occupied at work helped. It helped me believe that life must go on (even if it sounds calloused). Aside from that, I also appreciated solitude even more than I normally do. I didn’t want people asking me questions and/ or giving advice. Or acting as if nothing happened. So I preferred to be on my own.

    Have you tried adult coloring books? It’s supposed to zone you out.

    • Hi! I’ve never tried any coloring books yet. I heard about it, but it didn’t attract my attention for long enough to give it a try. Have you tried it out? Did it work?

      It’s sad that we reassess our life mostly when someone dies. I think about my parents who are not young anymore and who’re next in the line. It freaks me out. My mom says it’s normal and I should get used to the fact they would have to pass away one day. My partner says that I have my own family now and I should think rather about it. But this whole idea of dying makes me feel anxious. I don’t get it. Why are we born if we have to die a while after? What’s next?

      • I have. It did. The one I got has very intricate designs, which means that it takes you A WHILE to complete a single one. Admittedly, I have not done too many of them. But when I needed it, it numbed me up/ distracted me pretty well. I pulled it out again yesterday after a year, or more of not using it. It helped me calm down.

        Those are definitely some hard questions. Ask yourself why are you so afraid of that. And then work towards resolving that.

        • I would have to give it a try in that case 🙂 How about you? Are you afraid of death?

          • I think to say “no” would be a lie. To a degree we all are. However, I see myself as mostly in peace with the possibility. I live every day as if it was my last. At least for the most part. Sure, I’d want to experience so much more, but come whatever may.

            • That sounds really convincing. How about the fact whether there is something after this life? Does the unknown scare you?

                • Same for me. However, don’t you ever have any doubts? I have got nights when I cannot sleep and I ask myself: “What if there is nothing after death?”. It’s scary, but the perspective of life after death is also scary. It’s unknown. And the whole transition between life and death makes me anxious.

                  • I can understand.
                    However, I don’t think about it. If there’s nothing, then there’s nothing. What can I do about that? Nothing. So why worry?
                    What does make me anxious is the time leading up to the transition period. Will I know what’s going on? Will I be a burden, etc.?

                    • That’s all true what you’ve said but it scares me that I cannot stop the things and I have no influence whatsoever what will happen, have I? I know that one day my loved ones will pass away. Will I pass away first or will I see them pass away? The time and transition period are a big question mark. I don’t know what I will get. Do you think it’s possible to get prepared for this?

                    • No. I don’t think you can really prepare for such things. They will always shock/ surprise you.
                      You sound like you like to be in control. I should know. Therefore, it is hard to imagine scenarios in which you are helpless.
                      However, I stopped agonizing about things I have no control over. Whatever happens, happens. The only thing that I do have control over is what I do right now. You’re worried about something happening to your loved ones? It’s natural. You won’t be able to save them when it’s their time. But what you CAN do, is love them now, instead of worrying about the future.

                    • Indeed, I like to be in control. Not because I have got autocratic aspirations, but because I’m scared of being helpless or dependent on someone. However, I find your comment truly inspiring to stop worrying about the future and start loving today. It sounds simple, but it’s a challenge. I’ll do my best to go for it.

                    • I know exactly what you mean regarding control.

                      It’s a challenge for sure, but since we get better at things with time, it’s a good idea to start trying today instead of next year. Just like it is with blogging. Sometimes I wonder what if I was actually serious about it 10 years ago. Before the time when everyone had a blog…

                      I’m glad to hear that I inspired you. I hope it helps you enrich your life.

                    • It does enrich my life and thank you for sharing your inspirational thoughts! I askef myself the same question about blogging. What if I was serious about it 10 years ago? What if I wae consistent with writing? What if I believed in myself more? But on the other hand, sometimes we must to get mature enough to give the things appropriate value. I like the sentence that everything has its time.

Comment on this post