Life Change: Don’t change your acts. Change your thoughts

Life Change: Don’t change your acts. Change your thoughts

David Goleman wrote that emotions are impulses to act. It’s so obvious that I’ve never thought of it seriously. It wasn’t any rocket science for me. I heard about it so many times that it didn’t matter to me much.

On the other side of the equation, I was always wondering why I couldn’t change the way I reacted to certain incidents, the way I behaved, the way I talked, the way I was taking decisions. I was always wondering why I couldn’t change myself despite all efforts I have put into trying to be different.

It’s like when I was a kid and I was confessing all the time the same sins. Once I was absolved, it took me one or two days to get back onto the same path of the same sins. Nothing was changing. I wasn’t improving. I was repeating the same schemes and following the same patterns. I didn’t know why I couldn’t overcome my weaknesses.

It took me years to finally understand one day that I don’t have to change my acts. I don’t have to change the way I behave. The way I react. The way I take decisions. I have to change my emotions. I have to change the way I think. The way I perceive things.

My acts change automatically when I switch my thoughts to new patterns. When I rediscover that there are plenty of different perspectives. When I realize that my point of view is not the only one which is always right. It helps me to bite my tongue and stop continuing unnecessary discussions.

Change your thoughts so that your behavior changes as well.

How to change the thoughts?

1. You are what you read, what you watch, what you hear

Narrow down or restrict your access to negative content. Remove any source of frustrating information. Your life is already full of drama. You don’t need to add people’s dramas to your basket. You don’t need to get caught into a catastrophic vision of your future. Instead, look for valuable content which brings positive vibes. Choose the content which empowers you to see things differently the way you’ve never seen them before.

You are the books you read, the movies you watch, the people you hang out with and the conversations you engage in. Be careful what you feed your mind with.

2. Write down what you are or you should be grateful for

This is not something I practiced for a long time, but when I do, it opens my eyes to the things I pretend not seeing as blessings, success or wealth. I’m amazed at how many things are overlooked by me just because they don’t seem to be big enough. We’re used to taking these things for granted while some people don’t get them all their life. Count your joys and enjoy them.

Enjoy little things. One day you may look back and realize they were big things.

3. Only now matters

One of my worst life acts were caused by the bitter of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Don’t let the bitter define who you are and don’t let the fear decide how do you behave. Your now gives you a unique opportunity to be free from your shadows. You’ll not find relief in the past nor happiness in the future. Happiness is now.

I will be happy when things happen this way. It is like postponing your happiness to an unsure future. The better alternative is to try to postpone your sorrow to some future moment as much as you can.

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7 thoughts on “Life Change: Don’t change your acts. Change your thoughts”

      • I read recently about a syndrome of a hyperactive brain which is struggling to control the thoughts as there are too many neurobiological connections. Does it happen to you that the negative thoughts overwhelm you despite your efforts to push them away? For me, it does.

      • When that happens, I like to do one of two things. 1. Sleep. Sleep is a cure-all. It fixes everything. 2. A quiet place in nature. When I am walking in the forest I try to take it the world around me. Even when my thoughts are overwhelming, the nature around me works as a distraction every now and again. Plus, the serenity enables me to structure the thoughts and tackle them one by one.

      • It seems so simple, but so powerful at the same time. It’s a shame I underestimate the value of sleep. I should definitely sleep more to recharge my batteries. The same applies to spending time in nature. It could be highly beneficial for me to calm down some negative emotions while disconnecting from busy city life. How long do you sleep in average and do you have any favorite places in nature? Do you follow some sport activities as well?

      • I usually sleep around 7ish hours a night. My body needs at least 9, so that’s what I do on the weekends.
        Favorite places in nature. It depends what you have available. I like lakeside. River banks. Forests.
        I try and remain active by mostly biking and playing tennis.

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