I was always an ambassador of going for feelings. Hard facts, even though based on reality, never seemed to show the full picture of the situation.
I’ve been giving to feelings high priority in my life.
If I didn’t feel good about something, it meant it was a fact. If I liked something, it meant it was a fact. Only my perspective mattered. I didn’t care what other people had to say. I didn’t care about the facts.
My feelings were a fact to me.
It changed in one of my latest jobs as I realized how hard is to work with feelings instead of going for hard facts. How hard is to convince someone to the value of your work if their feelings are different. How they ignore the hard facts looking for gateways to confirm their own feelings.
Working with someone’s feelings doesn’t leave much space for improvement unless they’re clearly defined and expressed. In most cases, they are not. Someone is unhappy but is not able to tell you what is wrong. You ask the questions, but you don’t get the answers. You should guess and if your guess is incorrect, you lose.
– We’re not happy with the product.
– Why? It responds to all your requirements.
– But something is wrong.
– But what specifically? Do you have any examples?
– No, it’s just a feeling it’s not right.
Such discussions were exhaustive for me. How could I improve something not knowing what was wrong? I could give it thousands of tries believing one of them will turn out successful.
I realized that I was doing exactly the same thing. I was doing everything to confirm my feelings were a fact. I was seeking to prove my feelings were justified.
Today I know that all my feelings are justified and right. But it doesn’t mean they reflect the reality around me.
They reflect the reality inside me. That’s all. If I feel bad about a person next to me, it doesn’t mean this person is bad. It’s my reaction. It’s my perception. It’s my feeling.
I deeply understood the reality might be completely different from how I see it. I may think someone has bad intentions. The reality may uncover the fear. My fear and this person’s fear.
We suffer more from imagination than from reality.
Hard facts don’t show the full picture of the situation either. Just a small piece of it. My experience proved me dry facts also might be misleading. Provided that someone did something wrong doesn’t mean it was meant to be done.
My boss is used to say:
The devil is in details.
The best understanding comes with the story of all parties of the conflicts. With hard facts and feelings put together.
The only thing is that it takes time.
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Have a wonderful day!