You don’t have to pretend. It’s fine to have a normal life.

You don’t have to pretend. It’s fine to have a normal life.

Sometimes we care more for what is outside than for what is inside. And this is at that moment when our life falls apart.

It’s like with people in our life. When we care more for what people think about us rather than what we think about ourselves then this is at that moment when we lose.

When we’re scared what other people think about us then we’re more likely to criticize everything which is around us. We’re more likely to worry about stupid things. We’re more likely to stop caring about what is really important.

Maintaining a good image.

We do the same in our relationships. We’re so much focused on maintaining a good image outside than we forget to build the real one. We smile when people watch. We cry when people go home.

Isn’t the same in our families? How many times we don’t accept what our relatives do or say but we perfectly accept the same when it is about our friends. Because other people know better. Other people know for sure. Other people cannot be mistaken.

Suffering in silence.

But when it turns out it’s us who were mistaken with our judgment, we suffer in silence. We don’t want to admit we’re wrong. We don’t want to say we’re sorry.

It’s funny how much it’s contagious.

My grandma was used to say:

What neighbors will say about you!

My father was used to say:

No, because neighbors will think that…

My aunt was used to say:

It’s doesn’t matter if you want to do it. You should do it anyway because everyone does.

What I learned across the years is that the more we run after people the less they respect us. The more we care about appearances the more we destroy our life.

Pretending.

It works the same way in the worst moments of our life. We don’t want to admit the damage by all means. We pretend everything is all right even if we die inside.

It’s like with women who are cheated or outraged. They’re so ashamed to talk about their damage that they choose to live in silence. They don’t want to be considered as victims. They don’t want to lose their dignity. But the dignity is to know all that happens to us doesn’t define us as people.

Another example is that we pay attention to some rules without even knowing what is the reason behind it. We follow blindly some rules just because other people do. Like the sheep which don’t know where they go or what they do.

What do I care for?

I care about what is most important for me and for my loved ones. Not for the people who watch us from outside. I care how I and my loved ones feel. Not how people who watch us perceive us.

If we have high self-esteem then we don’t have to prove anything.

I cannot say I give a damn on how people see me and my family because I’d be a complete liar saying so. But I care more for how my loved ones see our relationship. I care more about how they feel. For what they need.

They matter more.



4 thoughts on “You don’t have to pretend. It’s fine to have a normal life.”

  • I agree. You vocalized great points.
    I remember my grandmother trying to keep me and the other things quiet, because “what are the neighbors going to think?”. My parents seemed to care less. They’d say: “who cares?”. But as I grew up not caring what my neighbors would say, my parents started asking me: “what will the neighbors think?”. Really? I hope this doesn’t change with age, because I can’t be bothered thinking about random people as I grow old.

      • I think being of certain generation definitely plays a part, but the biggest factor IS the mentality (which can change due to experience with age). What’s your take on it?

        • Obviously the biggest factor is mentality but I observe it’s related as well to generations. My parents and my grandparents are more likely to care about what people think or say than my generation. I believe a big change of mentality came with a new generation which is more self-aware and more concentrated on being independent.

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