Life Story: I’m sorry I let you go.
I lost one of the persons I loved the most. I lost one of the persons who loved me unconditionally. I loved one of the most important persons in my life.
I lost my grandma.
I haven’t seen her for eight months. I was about to see her in three weeks. Last time, I saw her on Messenger two months ago.
She told me then:
– You promised me you will come one more time.
– I will come soon, grandma. I will come to you with my baby.
I was so happy to see her soon. I missed her so much. I was feeling so bad that I didn’t manage to see her faster.
Living on the other side of the country, having a full-time job and a small baby doesn’t facilitate frequent travels.
Grandma was the one who always believed in me. I was beautiful in her eyes. I was important in her eyes. I was precious in her eyes.
She used to say to me:
– My little, little grandbaby…tell me something more. How’s your life? Are you happy?
I’ve been waiting impatiently to see her. To tell her new stories. To share my secrets with her. I felt the one when I was close to her. I was unique for her. And she was unique for me.
– Just few weeks more. Just few weeks…
That day, I left my phone in my bag for half of the day. I forgot to turn off the airplane mode. I did it in the afternoon while going for lunch. I saw 8 call attempts from my partner. I saw 4 call attempts from my mom.
I was terrified.
I knew it was a bad sign. They never call me so desperately if I don’t answer. They just send me a message. And let me call them back.
They didn’t leave me any message.
I called back my mom with heart jumping to my throat. She was not answering.
I just knew.
I called my partner. He picked up. He didn’t know how to tell it to me.
Finally, he made it:
– Your grandma passed away…
I burst into tears.
I knew it could happen anytime. But I didn’t speed up things to see her. I didn’t prioritize seeing her. I didn’t give up everything to see her. I didn’t manage to say goodbye.
I thought we still had time…
Three fucking weeks and I could tell her one more time how much I love her. How much I appreciate all she did for me. How much I’m happy to hug her.
Three fucking weeks!!!
How on Earth time can be so cruel. How I could be so foolish thinking she will be living forever.
I’m so sorry grandma…
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