We love gossips. We love gossiping. We love gossiping about people we don’t like. Or we pretend we like them. Or we like them but we want to feel better. Gossips make you forget about your own problems. They bring you temporary relief. They give you temporary leverage. The only thing is that gossiping may ruin your life if you don’t say stop at the right time.
I never liked to gossip, but I’ve been often doing so. Not because I wished to harm or hurt someone. Not because I hated someone. Not because I was looking down on people. I’ve been doing it as it was giving me a feeling of belonging. A feeling that I was a member of a group. A group of people who believed that gossips were making them stronger. A group of people who believed that thanks to gossiping they mattered more. People who were bored with their own lives and were seeking entertainment.
Why have I started to gossip about other people? Because they’ve been gossiping about me. Gossips made my life truly painful as the beginning I didn’t know how to deal with them. I was taking them seriously. I was considering them as my personal failure. The worst thing about gossips is when you discover them. When you feel stupid. Ashamed. Humiliated. Helpless. When you don’t know if it’s better to defend yourself or it’s better to pretend that nothing happened. It is said that only guilty people defend themselves. However, letting others have wrong ideas about you doesn’t come easily. Especially if you care about their opinion.
It is also said not to do something you wouldn’t want others to do to you. That’s deeply true. But when you suffer, you don’t reason logically. You want people to feel the same. And this is what leads you astray. Therefore, I would like to tell you about 5 lessons I’ve learned why you pay a high price while gossiping about other people.
1. Karma gets back
If someone gossips about others with you, he certainly gossips with others about you.
For a long time I believed that if someone was sharing gossips with me, it was a sign of trust. Sign of confidence. Sign of making me belong. I believed that was the way friendships were getting their roots. By sharing other people’s secrets.
With the course of time, I realized how wrong were I. People have been sharing gossips with me to get new gossips about others from me. Or to get something they could gossip about me. So whenever I gossiped about someone, then someone gossiped about me. I learned that only people who don’t gossip are truly worthy of trust.
2. Don’t judge. Otherwise you may be judged
I remember how intensively I’ve been reliving people’s deeds.
– How could she behave like that? How could he do so? How could they say something like that?
I felt empowered to judge. To judge what was good and what was wrong. To judge without having got to know people’s life stories. Without knowing the background of their decisions. Without having a full picture.
Eventually, I learned that judging someone often results in being judged. Some people stay on your side only when you’re doing well and they quickly disappear when you fall down. When you make a mistake. When you take a wrong decision. Suddenly, it’s you who becomes an object of judgment.
3. Gossiping never solve your own problems
You can’t fix yourself with breaking someone.
Gossiping never solved a single problem I’ve been dealing with. It’s been helping me not to think about my issues for a while. About challenges, I’ve been supposed to face. Steps I’ve been supposed to undertake. Choices I’ve been supposed to make. Focusing on other people’s life was much easier than improving my own. I’ve been losing time living a life that was not mine. As a result, my problems remained unsolved. They’ve been intensifying until it was too late to tackle them.
4. Gossiping impacts negatively your image
We never look good making someone else looking bad.
Gossiping drags on after you for many years. It destroys relationships. Friendships. Reputation. It makes you not being treated in a serious way. It makes you untrustworthy. It’s like experiencing a social ban. It’s like being labeled. You want to move on, but it’s a kind of a tail that doesn’t seem to detach. Gossiping makes you look pathetic.
Regaining someone’s trust might be a lifelong undertaking. Trying to rebuild it is two times harder than getting it in a new relationship. It’s like when you hammer nails into a wooden fence. Even if you pull them out, the holes remain. The fence will never be the same. If you gossip, you leave a scar. Even if you say sorry, the wound will still be there.
5. Only unhappy people gossip
People are probably not very happy with their lives if they are busy discussing others.
If we have got time to gossip, it means we lose time when we could do something valuable for us and for others. It means our life lacks meaningful emotions or inspirations we could share with others. It means our life is empty. If we meet someone and the only thing we can offer is rumors, it’s a sad truth of how poor our life is. How miserable our experiences are. How worthless our thoughts are. Gossiping is for weak people whose life is shallow and not fulfilled.
Happy people are too busy to discuss others. They have more productive things to do. They’ve got plenty of ideas to share. They encourage others to do better. They spread positive energy to build a better world.
In fact, gossiping never made me feel better. Or made me feel better just for a while. Thereafter, I was feeling awful. Who was I to judge? Who was I to claim what’s good and what’s wrong? Who was I to judge without having got to know someone’s life story?
My friend told me once:
– Why are you bothering about what others did, what others said, what others think? It’s not your problem. It’s theirs. Leave it to them.
Then, I realized out of the blue:
– Indeed. Why am I spending so much time analyzing something I have no influence on?
I don’t have any influence on what other people do. I don’t have any influence on what other people say. I don’t have any influence on what other people think. Why shall I bother? It’s not my problem at all.
Yesterday, I’ve spent an amazing evening with my friends. And do you know why it was amazing? It was amazing because we’ve spent together 5 hours without gossiping. 5 hours talking just about our lives, our memories, our plans, our dreams. 5 hours talking about our problems, ideas, solutions. 5 hours talking about ourselves. Not about other people. Not about other people’s problems. Not about other people’s mistakes.
It’s so incredibly liberating when you don’t have to comment on other people’s life. When you leave their life to them. When you leave their problems to them. When you leave their mistakes to them.
This is how I’ve found a balance in my life. I’ve found peace. I’ve found the power to move on.
I challenge you to try.
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Thank you for your support,