Life Challenge: Don’t give the maximum. Go for optimum.
Working in a corporation kills my creativity. Rules, procedures, micro-management, choosing between a team-oriented approach and a client-oriented approach. Finding a balance is pretty tough. The more you move into one of these directions, the more you get criticized by the other party. The more you do, the more you’ll be expected to do. The more you say yes, the more they will kick your ass.
– Screw it! – you could say.
I can’t screw it. I have a child, I have a loan, I have bills to pay. Changing the company doesn’t change the problem. The problem is about me. About the fact, I always give all of me. I always want to prove I’m on a high level. I always want to be appreciated.
It doesn’t work this way.
I come back home totally exhausted. I don’t feel like doing anything constructive. I feel like running away and never coming back. I feel like crying I’ve made again the same mistake.
I was told yesterday:
– You shouldn’t give the maximum at work. You should give it optimum. The maximum should be given at home or where your place is.
I know I gave too much.
And I know I get the results right now.
I have got clients who push me to the limits. I have got workmates who don’t care anymore. I have got my manager who’s always busy.
I feel alone in this business.
I can’t work less. I just can’t. It’s stronger than me.
I feel anxiety knowing how many things are waiting for me. How many emails are unread. How many projects are in progress. How many talks are postponed.
I played the wrong cards.
I don’t feel like living. The days come and go. I’m only a pawn in the corporate machine.
I want to be self-sufficient. Self-dependent. Self-organized.
I want to write. I want to interview. I want to create.
I want to bring real value into this world.
Who cares how much money I earn for the company? It doesn’t improve the world. It doesn’t improve me. It doesn’t improve you. It’s empty.
I want to stop giving the maximum in areas which don’t make me happy. I want to go for optimum.
Life matters more.
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Have a wonderful day!