Do you remember times when everything was simple?
When I was small kid I had a friend from my neighborhood with whom we were keen on exchanging secret messages. We’ve been planning to connect our windows across the street with a piece of string to transfer the envelopes but then we’ve been worried an envelop could get stuck in the middle of the way. So next, we’ve been planning to find a secret spot to leave small letters, but this time we’ve been worried they could get destroyed after the first rain. So eventually, we decided to buy a notebook to share. A notebook with a waterproof cover.
Everytime each of us wrote a secret letter we’ve been leaving the notebook in a secret place which was just under my grandma’s bank next to the street. No one knew about it but us. It was so electrifying running every morning to check if there was a new secret message inside the notebook.
Life had a completely different taste. A taste of simplicity.
At that time everyting seemed to be so simple. Our desires were simple. Our dreams were simple. Our feelings were simple. We didn’t have to adjust to someone’s expectations. We didn’t have to be careful with everything which was said or written. We didn’t have to hide our feelings being afraid someone would interpretate them wrongly.
Life had a taste of freedom.
I don’t remember when everything changed. Suddenly, expectations came into play. Suddenly, I was supposed to weigh my words. Suddenly, I couldn’t be myself. Suddenly, all this wasn’t so simple anymore.
What happened? We grew up.
We weren’t kids anymore. We were teenagers and everyone started to look for own way to express oneself. Then, I started to write letters. I’ve been looking for new friends in teen magazines. I loved to make long-distance friends. It was somehow easier than making friends in reality. Less problematic. Less demanding. Less disappointing.
This is what I thought.
I’ve been waiting impatiently for every letter which was to come and couldn’t refrain from replying straight after I’ve got it.
I didn’t know at that time it’s better sometimes to keep people on hold for a while so that they miss something.
I didn’t know at that time it’s sometimes more useful to make them wait so that it tastes better. I didn’t know at that time it’s sometimes more pragmatic to manage people’s emotions so that they want more.
No one taught me all of this.
I was simple in loving. I was simple in sharing my feelings. In was simple in giving my full attention. I was giving everything I could.
Until it turned out people don’t always appreciate when our feelings become too obvious.
People need a bit of suspense.
This is at that time when suddenly letters stopped coming. I had to start over. I had to find a new way of expressing myself.
Years passed, new technology came and I started to exchange emails. I didn’t particularly like chats as I needed longer forms of message.
I loved to open my mailbox and see: You’ve got one unread message. It was like in this movie with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan You’ve got mail. I was getting excited to see a small postbox icon with an envelope popping up on my screen.
I loved reading long emails. I wished they’d never end. But somehow, the ones I was receiving were always shorter than mine. At first, I was used to believe that the longer mail I’d write the longer mail I’d receive.
But it was never the case.
From one day to another the emails have been coming shorter and shorter. And finally they stopped coming.
Something broke in my life forever.
I was not the same person who believed in the power of written word. However, I knew one day I may change my mind. I may miss it. I may look for it again. But at that time I needed a break.
I’ve been receiving just short messages.
Hi. How’re you? Ok? Great. See ya. Bye.
I was fine with it. It was enough. Till I realized something was wrong.
I realized all these conversations were empty. As if we’re running of out time. As if we’re running out of willingness to talk about who we really are. As if we’re running out of trust to share our secrets. Being so afraid someone might use them against us.
It’s like it’s going in our relationships. With the course of time we stop sharing our real thoughts. Our feelings. Our emotions. We start sharing problems to solve.
– Buy bread. Pay the bills. Fill up the car. Pick up children from school. Bring me coffee.
Just like someone told me yesterday:
– Do you know why people on the subway put the headsets on? Because they don’t want to talk. Do you know why people on the street live in front of their screen? Because they don’t want to talk. Do you know why people meet in crowdy and loud places like pubs or clubs? Because they don’t want to talk.
It ain’t go any better.
Today I receive just pictures. Videos. Stories. Not even adressed to me. They’re adressed to everyone. Friend or stranger. Doesn’t matter. Whoever wants to see them. Whoever gets a spare second to click on them. Whoever is curious enough.
I receive pictures sweating of happiness like a jar of pickles in the hot sun. And then I’m wondering: is the message real? Are all these people really happy or they just want me to think so? Are all these people really happy or is it just a moment caught to make others desiring their life?
I don’t know.
Because no one has time to tell me. Because everyone is busy. Busy in selling an image of perfect life which does not exist.
My life is not perfect and never was. I made thousands of mistakes and bad decisions. And you know what? I want to share them with you. Because nothing helps to learn so much like real examples. Because nothing gets closer so much like talking over coffee about who we really are. I made also hundreds of good things in my life. And you know what? I want to share them with you too. Because although good things happen more rarely in our life they matter more than bad ones. And these are good things which encourage us to do better. To change. To try more.
We don’t need any coaches. Any experts. Any teachers. Life is the best coach. Life teaches us every day who we are and what shall we do. Life guides us how to get where we want to be. Life gives us precious lessons how not to give a damn on our dreams.
I welcome you in my world and invite you to feel free to share your world the way it really is. Not colored one. Not idealized one. Just exactly the one you deal with every day. Because no matter what, your life is meaningful. And all you go through is something I’m going through too and millions of people over the world they do too. So why not to share what life teaches us? Why not to help each other to find a way to win against odds? Why not to become better us?
I will be more than happy to hear from you whenever you feel like sharing a lesson life is giving you!
Thank you for being here and enjoy!